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India: The land of the wise

New mom, new baby
Photo by Andreas Wohlfahrt from Pexels

In my country, unfortunately, free advice is distributed like condoms at an orgy.

On 18 September 2019, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, Rivan.

Since then, I have received a cornucopia of advice and comments from family, friends and absolute strangers.

Here are some of these gems.

Baby’s Massage Lady:
  • He is not digesting his milk. Burp him.
  • You don’t know how to hold the baby.
  • You should always swaddle him.
  • You should always keep his head covered.
  • You should never use a bottle.
  • Stop using the AC. Don't switch on the fan. He feels cold.
  • How will you find his powder puff if you never go out and look for it?
  • You're too slow. He'll turn 6 months old by the time you finish putting on his diaper.

Doctor:
  • Don’t use a bottle.

Husband’s relatives:
  • (When I was carrying my baby): We are only telling you the list of names that you should not keep. Or this child will be doomed.
  • (On the day of his naming ceremony when one of the ladies almost dropped him): Don’t worry. Sit down. We are all experienced.

Father-in-law:
  • (On the day Rivan was born): What time was he born? I need to make his horoscope.
  • (One month after): I can't see any difference in him. You should keep talking to him. He will understand. “Rey-vaaaan, say bye. Rey-vaaaan.”

Eunuchs:
  • (At my doorstep): You only gave me ₹100. (Not the 7 freaking thousand that he demanded) You're not happy to have this baby.
  • (At the traffic signal): You didn't give me anything. Your child won't even get to the other side of the road.

Friend’s mom:
  • You should eat for two.

Random lady 1 in hospital:
  • How old is your baby? Why is he not wearing a cap? Go feed him.

Random lady 2 in hospital:
  • (Points at my baby to distract her toddler): Look how this baby is crying!

Shopkeeper 1:
  • You should not use a pacifier.

Shopkeeper 2:
  • You should not use diapers.
I shall keep adding to this list when I can - all the beautiful, unsolicited advice thrown at me with the intention of making me the wise mom that I already am. Please feel free to give any suggestions, comments and/or advice that you may have in mind towards this mission. I will be sure to follow them all. (NOT)

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Location: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India

Comments

  1. Unknown6 November 2019 at 23:50

    Absolutely true... Going thru the same Amu I can understand this phase... Random ppl telling u things to do for baby as tho ppl at home are not enough....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous3 December 2022 at 16:55

    No doubt there is bullshittery all around but sometimes people especially close one give advice out of their attempt to ahow affection .

    ReplyDelete

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